Obedience comes first, Understanding will follow

I can't take credit for this wise saying. Honestly, I don't know who can, but I found it in 2011 after my husband revealed his extra-marital affair that dismal Monday night, January 10, 2011 at 9:00 pm on our basement sofa. I spent at least nine more months living in fear wondering if he would provide for me and our two awesome kids, fearing he would not come home at his usual 2:00 am after spending the evening with his girlfriend, and afraid he would just hand me divorce papers. You get the picture. Fear incapacitates us!!! After lots of time and money spent on counseling, I made a sign saying "Obedience comes first, Understanding WILL follow." I put it on my fridge, dashboard, mirror, and a few other obvious places. I finally got to the point where another saying resonated with me: "If there's fear in your heart, there's no room for faith!" So I reasoned Fear is the opposite of Faith. I say I'm a believer in Christ and my faith is in Him; yet, I have fear. I claim I John 4:18:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I watched Joyce Meyer daily and knew that PERFECT love casts out fear. Obviously I was not casting it out. My blood pressure was running about 160/100 for months all due to FEAR!!! Amazing that I never had a heart attack! I began to pray,

"God, I want that 'Perfect' love. Show me how to have it. Help me cast out this fear to make room for FAITH."

I truly believe God was teaching me to have a deeper understanding of the power of the Holy Spirit that was instilled in me from the time I accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior. This concept fortunately became even clearer when we moved to the "Bible belt" in NC and became involved in a four-square church that we love. I also started adhering to "go to the THRONE instead of going to the phone!" I stopped calling my girlfriends or mom whenever my husband sent me a hateful text or didn't come home for the evening, and I began reading God's Word- Psalms in particular. Slowly, my fear began to subside! This is still an ongoing process. Just a few weeks ago, my husband's former mistress found him on his new Facebook (now six years after the affair). I struggled that night he told me. I was glad he was honest, but boy did it hurt! I admit I went to bed angry that night, but I went up to our bedroom and read Psalms 91 several times to calm me down. I woke up the next morning alone because my husband was at a church gathering and the kids were at school. I purposed in my mind to not let Satan get a hold of my mind. I turned on K-Love, went to the gym, and kept myself busy. God rewarded my faith in Him. My intent in this blog is to help you understand that Faith REQUIRES a step into the unknown. I didn't know if my husband would ever turn around, but I continued to put my FAITH in Christ, praying to God,

"Lord, take Matt as low as you need to take him to bring him back to you."

That is a vague prayer saying that Lord, I don't know how you're going to orchestrate this healing Matt needs to get his life back on track with you, but I know you're the "Great Healer" and I trust that Matt is in your hands. You Lord, deal with him as you see fit. There is no better place to be than that. As John Ortberg says, If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat.

Let go and let your Abba Daddy take away your fears. Daddy knows best:)

Listen (click our picture) to this song to help inspire you that no matter how bad it gets, God will never let go of you.