Common questions I've been asked

How can I pray for my spouse who is making poor choices?

I know the frustration that comes with having a spouse who is constantly choosing to live a life of sin. I also know God knows our hearts. If you're like me, you've prayed just about every prayer you can think of including the ones from "The War Room" movie. All of these are great; however, there comes a point when I believe it's biblically appropriate to take a step back and simply say, "Lord take ______ as low as you need to, in order to bring him/her back to you." God wants you to start focusing more on what YOU can do to draw closer to him during this time. My husband didn't have any desire or motivation to change UNTIL he saw a change in me. That change was that he noticed I was no longer trying to manipulate ways for him to: engage with an accountability partner, go to Men's groups, get counseling, read his Bible, etc. I know you know what I'm talking about:) Let go and let God do the work that only He can do. He made your spouse, so He knows how to change him/her!

Is it normal for me to want to know every detail about my spouse's affair and do I deserve to keep asking questions?

I think the better question to ask here is, "What difference will it make if I know more?" I pray it won't make any difference. Yes, I wanted to know details at first: How he met her, what they did together, what they talked about, how far they went physically ....etc, etc. Really.....is that going to help matters any?!?! NO!!!!! It's just going to make you feel worse. Remember the "God's Sovereignty" prayer I've shared in previous blogs: Say it to yourself, out loud in front of a mirror daily until you've memorized it. That is who you are: a child of the King, of magnificent worth, deeply loved....and so on. So please stop asking him/her questions. That's like the nagging wife mentioned in Proverbs. You don't want to be that kind of spouse. You're just going to drive your husband/wife further away from you and Christ.

Also, stop trying to read his/her texts, social media, messages, etc. No matter how hard you try, they figure out how to get around it unfortunately. Where there's a will, there's a way. You are not your spouse's "babysitter nor his/her Holy Spirit." Each spouse needs to be accountable to another person of the SAME gender, BUT it is NOT your job to arrange that for your spouse!!! Remember my blog about "God moving mountains:" Pray this into existence. God can bring the perfect person along for your husband/wife if you simply pray about it. It may take months or even years, but His promises are true!!!

How in the world did you ever have sex with your husband after you knew about the affair?

I read the story of Hosea in the Bible and God let me know that by me taking Matt back, I was getting a taste of what God feels like when I go after other things (career, wealth, comfort, etc.) instead of forsaking all others and pursuing Him.

As silly as this may sound, I prayed before the act and even during it:) I asked God to help me get in the mood. I say "act" because much of it was like being an actress for several months. There were times when I felt like curling up in a ball and crying my eyes out, but I knew that his "love language" was physical touch then. I admit I probably was in it for the wrong reasons at first: simply to "keep" him coming back home and hoping it would make him want me again. Whatever the case may be, I know God honors the prayer of a fervent person. As I've said before, "Obedience comes first, UNDERSTANDING WILL FOLLOW."

Yes, I felt like "chopped liver" and had to pray about this a lot!!!! I struggled with letting him touch me in certain parts of my body and had to ask God to reveal to me how to lovingly let Matt know what I needed. I really had to guard my body language, because as all of us women know, we can be the "queen" of body language without saying a word. I was the "Queen" of this, and one negative look like a roll of the eyes, sigh, or closing of the eyes sometimes made Matt completely give up and stop everything right in the middle of sex. So, it wasn't always perfect. We often had arguments over this. God is so good though. He has completely restored it all!! My point is twofold- know your husband’s love language and speak it often. If you’ve never read, The Five Love Languages (https://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Secret-Lasts/dp/B079B7PJMV/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=The+5+love+languages&qid=1585529782&sr=8-2), I encourage you to do so.

Secondly, PRAYER WORKS. As you noticed, I prayed a lot and still do: Lord help me speak the truth in love, help me be my husband’s cheerleader, help me be the wife Matt needs me to be. Trust in Him, not your husband, and PRAY what you want into existence.