Forgiveness: what is it, and how do I do it

Forgiveness, whether you think you can or can't do it, begins with

1. praying "God help me forgive_____." Then,

2. Pray for that person. This probably seems impossible and I get it! I didn't think I could ever forgive "the other woman." Well, God showed me that WITH HIS POWER IN ME, I can. I fasted for 3 days and prayed throughout that time for her; that God would bless her, help her come to know Him, restore her marriage with her own husband, and keep her safely away from us. I didn't feel this last request was ungodly because God gave me a peace in my heart about it. Wow, God blessed me! Now, when I see a car like the one I knew my husband bought her during his affair with her, I don't go into a panic attack. As a matter of fact, I am reminded that she's a child of God and I pray for her. The fact that I can do that is only because of God's power within me!!!

In addition, I prayed, "Lord take my spouse as low as you need to in order to bring him to you." This meant that I was releasing him to the Lord to do the work. I "wiped my hands clean" of Matt and said to the Lord, "have at him. Do your will. I know I can't change him."

3. Third and final step is to do what seems impossible, and that is: "BLESS that person." No matter what he/she did, ask God to help you respect and show appreciation to him/her.

Regardless of how difficult this is, I guarantee you it can be done but only with HIS help. Ask Christ to give you the strength to do it.

I remember I wanted to know the details of my husband's affair at first. Well, God revealed to me little by little that He knew what I could and couldn't handle. I know God graciously helped me erase some of the most hurtful and damaging words that I endured during our separation.

Matt asked me to basically quit my demanding full-time job as an orthopedic PA to be home with him so he would have me there to support him. Sounds like a babysitting job, huh!?! That's kind of how I felt. The next morning I called in to my work and informed them I wouldn't be in the rest of the week (Tues-Fri). I figured I wouldn't have a job on my return. We arranged for our two kids (11 & 8 years old) to be watched by family. We packed our bags assuming we'd just drive for a bit and stay there. It was January in Pennsylvania, so we packed winter clothes. We ended up 9 hours later in the Carolinas!!! Then, the following day, headed to Miami beach, Florida. So, we did some clothes shopping:) The point of this story is that God (through his divine intervention of a beautiful friend of mine, Del-Rae), advised me to listen to Matt and shut my mouth. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." So, I did. I listened to him talk for about 18 hours about the affair, explaining how he met her, why he was attracted to her, and how it progressed. I think he avoided the intimate details, but either way, I don't remember them (God protected my heart and mind by His grace). Wow, was that not the hardest thing I've ever done?!?! I could NEVER have done it without God's help. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to interject and say, "But why? What were you thinking?"

I encourage you to pray:

1." let God 'in' to your healing process. "Holy Spirit, heal me. Show me how to forgive. Help me be my spouse's cheerleader."

2. "Graciously protect my heart & mind from the damaging words/acts that occur."

3. "Protect my children from them as well."

4. "Strengthen and encourage us to FULLY TRUST you and show us when we are not doing so, so we can get back in step with you Lord."

5. "Give me hope. If you've read any other blogs by me or my book, The Heartache and the Healing, you know how I define "hope." I adopted Joyce Meyers' definition of it: a confident, eager expectation of a good result. This does NOT mean that I prayed God would restore our marriage!!! Please notice this! It means I prayed with a "confident, eager expectation that Christ was with me and would see me through, protect me and bring about a good result." I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what that result would be, but I learned to trust him (through PRAYER and LOTS OF IT). Even though I didn't always "feel" like I believed my words, I kept telling myself that God would get me through each hour of every day! I often didn't know what the evening would hold, if my husband would even come home, but I trusted that Christ would show up for me and lead me through every minute of the difficult days that plagued me.

As Phillipians 4:13 states, "I can do ALL things, [only] through Christ who strengthens me."