The Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children
Our eight year old daughter, Brianna told her Daddy in 2011, "If you just leave the other woman, everything will be alright!" Out of the mouths of babes! In children's elementary mindset, the world is much more black and white. Her words were wisely spoken when my husband was forcefully trying to take my clothing, the computer, and other belongings from me because he claimed, he "payed for it all!" He slammed the door shut on my arm as I tried to grab the computer from him. The argument became so vengeful and violent, I felt my life and possibly our precious kids lives could be harmed by Matt's erratic, irrational behavior. As a result, I called 911. Both our son, Chris, and our daughter can describe that horrifying day in detail.
Unfortunately they also can recall the negative things that were spoken and shown in our home for years. Our son once said to me when Dad left the house angrily after one of our fights, "What did you say to him now mom that made him leave again?" Ouch!!! Think about that for a moment. It would have been easy to justify myself to my son and I probably did at the time. However, now I've learned to put on my new self, created in Christ's image. I captivate that critical spirit, and shut my trap! What good is it going to do to unleash more negativity? None!!! Only a critical spirit in my children resulted from the bitterness. Especially our daughter. I am still working on helping her "put to death" her critical spirit and yelling that she heard from me for so many years. They pick up on everything!!
Our son was also affected tremendously by the anger in our home. He has a brilliant mind, but during our separation his grades went from A's to D's and F's! He was throwing his "red slips" indicating poor behaviors, under the deck to hopefully prevent us from finding them. Little did he know we'd find them while doing yard work one day:) His anger continued to escalate, fights ensued, and finally culminated in drugs and arrest in 10th grade (that's a whole other blog I've yet time write....lol). I'll never forget the night all four of us were having devotions and Matt asked Chris, "Do you think I should come back home to live with you guys Chris?" The priceless, profound reply of our eleven year old son was, "Yes, that's what Jesus would want Dad."
Kids crave stability. I can attest to this with obvious personal experience already mentioned above. I can also attest to it by my vocation. I work in mental health now. 99% of the behavior problems, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, anger, truancy, violence, aggression, and much more are a DIRECT result of broken homes and children raised without a positive, godly male role model. God created marriage to be between a man and a woman so that children can see and grow from both the logical, firm discipline a father provides and the loving nurturing of a mother. They need BOTH of these qualities to thrive. Only in a stable, loving marriage will they get this!!! When these things are not provided, I guarantee children's behaviors decline. If you don't believe me, come to work with me someday!!!
