"Did you even hear a word I said?"
Standing on the resort balcony taking in the breathtaking view of the ocean two days ago with my husband, he commented, "Look across the street. There's another pool." Immediately I rolled my eyes, then without even a thought, I retorted, "Did you even hear a word of what I've been saying the past two minutes!" I had just been talking about how there was another pool across the street besides the one right below us. His mind was obviously in another place while I was talking. God only knows where that was but I won't venture there...lol:) Eight years ago, this reply of mine would have convicted me as it does still; however, it would've ended with my prayer that God would forgive me and help me do better next time. As God's Word says, "He who began a good work in me will carry it through to completion." We're ALL works in progress. Now I find myself searching my heart to find out why I often have no filter on my tongue and don't even stop to think before I speak to Matt. I really long to be freed of this perpetual "thorn," or sin.
So I talked to my BFF, Jesus, while enjoying the sun and waves this weekend:) "Help me Lord to have a better awareness of my thoughts before I blurt them out. Help me captivate my thoughts and make them obedient to You. Above all else, help me guard my heart, for everything I do flows from it."
The following day I discussed this with a trusted Christian to gain godly perspective. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them....Matthew 18:20. This person helped me see that I was looking to my husband to receive significance of feeling heard and appreciated, when I should have leaned on Christ instead. "In other words," my friend said, "you were idolizing your husband." Ugghh, that was eye-opening and humbling. I hadn't thought of it that way.
That trusted Christian friend I talked to was my husband:) I wasn't sure he would be the right person to discuss this with since he was the one I was struggling with. We have lots of good talks about spiritual things now that God is changing us. Matt is now a Christian marriage counselor, deeply studying God's Word daily. This open, intimate, authentic and caring relationship we have is what we hope in Christ you will attain with your spouse. It takes a lot of work, humility, and a servant's heart to have a good marriage. Don't wait even if you think your marriage isn't "that bad." All marriages can benefit from good Christian counsel. Preventative maintenance is important. Its an investment that pays far greater rewards than any 401K :-) Matt and I spent well over $20,000 in counseling during our crisis and we wouldn't change it for a thing.
We all have a thorn in the flesh. God did this on purpose to help us stay humble and dependent on Him. I am still learning how to fight mine, my critical spirit. Paul had a thorn as well. As he says in Philippians, " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Then Jesus said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
Prayer: "Lord help me captivate my thoughts and make them obedient to You. Help me daily take up my cross (an instrument of death), and follow you whole-heartedly. I want to be more like you Lord in thought, words, and actions. Help my spouse see You in me. Thank you Jesus."
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