No Pain, No Gain....Really God, why?

As a married couple who has survived an affair, we often get asked, "Do you regret the way you used to be or wish that the affair never occurred?"  Of course, it would be easy to say, "Yes" to both of these questions; however, when I really deeply think about it, Matt and I both are absolutely certain we are glad that God allowed the affair to occur.  If it hadn't been for that, we would still be two miserable people living like a "corporation raising two kids."  I would still be a critical, "_itch" and he would be off with other women.  Our marriage looked to everyone else like it was fine, but we were certainly not living in the joy and freedom God intends for marriage.  I would not have learned the power of the Holy Spirit and how much He can do through me; and Matt never would have had true, "saving faith."  He adamantly believes that despite having prayed the sinner's prayer at a young age, that he was not truly going to heaven until after he fully repented in 2011.

That's a topic for another blog or conversation with him:) 

I never realized how much my body language and "off-the-cuff" remarks tore him down because he hid the pain for so many years.  Through the amazing, Spirit-filled counseling at His High Places, I began to understand how my actions were ripping apart our marriage.  The problem wasn't just the affair my husband was having.  

In II Corinthians 7:8- Paul talks about how he knows he frustrated the Corinthians with his letter (which was definitely God-inspired), but he didn't regret writing it to them.  He knew it was for their good.  Like a Dad, he knew they needed correction and guidance.  Their sins were not leading them to repentance as God & Paul would obviously want.  I love verse 10, which states that God is permitted to direct grief and pain.  Godly grief produces repentance that leads to salvation and deliverance, it never brings regret!!!  Worldly grief, hopeless sorrow, is of the world and is deadly.  Note the vast difference between godly v. worldly grief/pain.  Welcome the catalysts of change- the pain, and allow God to mold you during these times.  It may take years to get to the heart of the matter!  PLEASE don't expect the healing to occur overnight.  Trust and BELIEVE it will come IF you praise God and thank Him during the pain, AND ask Him to soften your heart and change you.  

I just told Matt, my husband, "It's easy for you being in jiu-jitsu martial arts to welcome pain and endure it.  I on the other hand, prefer to avoid pain please....thank you:)  In 2011, I endured a LOT of pain- emotionally.  If God can help this weak little woman go through months and even years of pain and re-building of trust, He can help anyone.  It is ONLY by His power that I made it.  That is exactly my point, hand EVERYTHING over to Him and tell Him, "Lord, I'm all yours."  Then LIVE as though He took all your burdens.  Stop taking back the "yoke" that is now His. 

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

Instead of focusing on the pain you may currently be in, focus on the end result, ESPECIALLY when you can't see it.  Verse 11: "For you can look back now and observe what this same godly sorrow has done for you and has produced in you: what EAGERNESS & EARNEST CARE to explain and clear yourselves, what indignation (at the sin), what alarm, what yearning, what zeal, what readiness..."

Instead of asking, "Why are you letting this happen to me God?" say, "Thank you Lord for pruning me and making me more like you.  Chisel away at the rough edges on me Lord and make me even more like you every day.  Help me trust you in the eye of the storm."